Some Things Are Just Better Left Alone

A Rant by Edam (Full disclosure: I didn't see most of these movies and relied on what most reviews stated.)

Three Stooges Movie Set

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures is moving forward on a modern incarnation of The Three Stooges, currently known as Untitled Three Stooges Project, with Bobby and Peter Farrelly attached to direct from their screenplay. The announcement was made today by Mary Parent, Chairman, Worldwide Motion Picture Group.

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What is wrong with Hollywood? What is it with remakes that should never be made? There is no way that a remake of The Three Stooges is going to be in any way better than the original, so why bother? Is it that SOME can’t come up with an original idea any more?

It’s bad enough that some remakes are so bad as to be laughable. Here’s a few examples:

The Honeymooners

This one, starring Cedric the Entertainer (a name that definitely does NOT apply) and a mostly African-American cast, is the most ridiculous of them all. The film was heavily panned by both critics and fans of the original series, and rightfully so. They had a lot of nerve trying to pull this idiotic remake off.

I Am Legend which is a remake of The Omega Man which is a remake of The Last Man on Earth

A truly awful film starring Will Smith. The narrative is increasingly ludicrous, the herky-jerky script, ubiquitous zombies, and truly bad ending, make this a remake I would have liked to avoid. When the director starts reaching for the tissues in the third act he loses his grip on the film entirely.

The Nutty Professor

Here we go again. Say what you will about Jerry Lewis, but this film showed his incredible comedic range. Not so with the Eddie Murphy version which soon goes straight for the gutter. In an impressive acting demonstration by Murphy, he plays all of the roles of a large family with obese members. In a horrible caricature, they are extremely gross with a grandmother with a very foul mouth and a father who engages other members of the family in seeing who can let off the most gas during dinner. Fart jokes? Please. As Mr. Cranky the reviewer said, “Personally, if I had wanted to give Eddie Murphy a good reason to scream and act idiotic for a couple of hours, I would have given him a glass of Liquid Plummer and a straw.”

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Review by SusurrusKarma

Keanu Reeves is an actor known for his alien-like, wooden style- which is why he is so often found in these kinds of films- and it suits his character adequately enough here. The feature slowly but surely declines in both mystique and interest, culminating in a third act which is about as convincing as it is exciting; which believe it or not, isn't much at all. It's around this point that things take a drastic turn from intelligent and insightful science-fiction to big dumb blockbuster action movie; the themes that are brought up during the movie's initial stages are belittled to a deux ex machina that never quite seems justified, and the climax –if you can call it that- feels stunted and perfunctory for the sake of giving a clean feeling of catharsis.

Dis-Honorable Mention

The Time Machine
Stepford Wives
Planet Of The Apes
Starsky and Hutch
The Wiz