Quotations That Ain't What You Think That They Are

"Money is the root of all evil"

It is a common saying that “money is the root of all evil.” According to the Random House Dictionary of Proverbs and Sayings, the phrase first appeared in English circa 1000 A.D. The saying originated in the New Testament. “For the love of money is the root of all evil.” Timothy, 6:10.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well"

It's actually "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio - a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

"Religion is the opiate of the masses"

The actual quote: "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."

"Houston, we have a problem"

John Swigert, Jr. and James Lovell who, with Fred Haise Jr., made up the crew of the US's Apollo 13 moon flight used (almost) this phrase to report a major technical problem back to their Houston base.

Swigert: 'Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here.'
Duke: 'This is Houston. Say again please.'
Lovell: 'Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt.'

"That's one small step for man"

High-tech detective work apparently has found the missing "a" in one of the most famous phrases ever spoken.

Astronaut Neil Armstrong's first words from the surface of the moon on July 20, 1969, now can be confidently recast, according to the research, as "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

"Far From the Maddening Crowd"

Nope, it's "Far From the Madding Crowd."

mad·ding
adj. Archaic
In a state of frenzy; frenzied: "far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife" Thomas Gray.

"Play it again, Sam"

Bogart's supposed line from Casablanca. This is well-known as one of the most widely misquoted lines from films. The actual line in the film is 'Play it, Sam'. Something approaching 'Play it again, Sam' is first said in the film by Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman) in an exchange with the piano player 'Sam' (Dooley Wilson):

Ilsa: Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.
Sam: I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.
Ilsa: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Sam: Oh, I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it.
Ilsa: I'll hum it for you. Da-dy-da-dy-da-dum, da-dy-da-dee-da-dum...
Ilsa: Sing it, Sam.

The line is usually associated with Humphrey Bogart and later in the film his character Rick Blaine has a similar exchange, although his line is simply 'Play it':

Rick: You know what I want to hear.
Sam: No, I don't.
Rick: You played it for her, you can play it for me!
Sam: Well, I don't think I can remember...
Rick: If she can stand it, I can! Play it!

"I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole court's out of order!"

Actual quote: "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order!"
Character of Arthur Kirkland ...And Justice for All in response to Judge Rayford saying "Mr. Kirkland, you are out of order."

"Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into"

Attributed to Oliver Hardy, and often said after another one of Stan Laurel's mistakes.
The actual quote was "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!"

"Let them eat cake."

This was never said by Marie Antoinette. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, in his 1783 autobiography Confessions, relates that "a great princess" is said to have advised, with regard to starving peasants, "S’ils n’ont plus de pain, qu’ils mangent de la brioche," commonly translated as "If they have no bread, let them eat cake!" It has been speculated that he was actually referring to Maria Theresa of Spain.

"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

There are numerous proverbs dealing with the subject of discipline in childrearing, but this is the closest: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." - Bible (King James Version), Proverbs 13:24

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

The correct quotation is "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." by William Congreve in The Mourning Bride of 1697.

"You dirty rat!"

Never said by James Cagney in any film. However, in Blonde Crazy (1931) he says that another character is a "dirty, double-crossing rat!"

"Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"

Correct quote: "Why don't you come up sometime and see me? I'm home every evening." - Mae West (She Done Him Wrong)
She switched the word order in her next film, I'm No Angel, where she does say "Come up and see me sometime", but without the "Why don't you".

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much"

Correct quote: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." - William Shakespeare (Hamlet) This quote comes from Hamlet, Act 3, scene 2, line 230. In this case, "protest" means more of "proclaim" than "argue against".

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend me your ears." - William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

Note: The quote is often attributed to Julius Caesar; it was actually said by the character Antony in the play. The next line "I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him" makes it clear that Caesar is not the speaker.

"Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a..." - Leonard McCoy

From the Star Trek science fiction television series. McCoy had several lines of this sort, except that he never said "damn it". Only one "swear word" was used on the original Star Trek series: "hell." It was most famously spoken at the end of the episode entitled City on the Edge of Forever: "Let's get the hell out of here" - J. T. Kirk.

"Beam me up, Scotty" - James T. Kirk

From the Star Trek science fiction television series. Several variants of this do occur in the series, such as "Energize", "Beam me aboard," "Beam us up home," or "Two to beam up," but "Beam me up, Scotty" was never said during the run of the original Star Trek series.

"Elementary, my dear Watson" - Sherlock Holmes

This phrase was never uttered by the character in any of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's written works. Though "Elementary," and "...my dear Watson." both do appear near the beginning of The Crooked Man (1893), it is the "...my dear Watson" that appears first, and "Elementary" is the succinct reply to Watson's exclamation a few lines of dialogue later. This is the closest these four immortal words ever appear together in the canon.

"Just the facts, ma'am."

This, the best known quote from the Jack Webb series Dragnet, was never said by Sgt. Friday in any of the Dragnet radio or television series.
Correct versions:
"All we want are the facts, ma'am."
"All we know are the facts, ma'am."