If I Were King

Left turns would be outlawed.

Motorcycles would be required to have mufflers to make them as quiet as cars.

Mental Midgets on Motorcycles would not be allowed to idiotically "rev" their engines while it's idling. (I'm guessing that they do that to make up for their lack of manhood.) Violators will be locked up and have to listen to such revving 24 hours a day, at an ear piercing volume.

Morons who blast their bassy car radios, especially with "rap music" would spend a year in jail, listening to Bach and Mozart 24 hours a day.

Rectangular framed glasses, that make it look like you are peeking through aluminum mini-blinds, would be taken away from wearers and crushed.

Servers who ask "Do you need change?" would be fired. If I don't say "keep the change" then yes, I want change, which probably means that the service sucked.

People in supermarkets, who pay with checks, and don't have everything but the amount filled in, would have their groceries confiscated, and be immediately arrested. If they do so in the Express Lane, every one else in line behind them would be allowed to severely beat them. (The same goes for the "change diggers," the ones who spend an hour digging through that tiny little pocket in their wallets to get the exact change out.)

Women who wear those huge, gaudy necklaces will have them ripped from their necks by someone with more sense.

Cell phones would not be allowed to be used in movie theaters, on trains, in cars, in restaurants, or anywhere else where people don't want to be disturbed by your inane, and usually loud, conversations.

Nitwits who wear clothes that look 5 sizes too big for them will be sentenced to 6 months wearing spandex.

Idiots who inexplicably think that it's cool to wear their baseball caps backwards will have them taken away and their heads shaved bald. If they are already bald, they will have to swap their baseball caps for sombreros.

Women who paint their nails a hideous dark color will have them ripped out with a pliers and be forced to eat them.

If you want to invite me to dinner, or a party, TELL ME THE ACTUAL TIME TO SHOW UP! Don't tell me a time that's an hour earlier because all of your nitwit friends arrive an hour late. And why the hell do people do that?

Any woman who idiotically gets tatoos.will have them removed with an acid wash.

And that's just a fraction of the laws that would be in effect.